- “Whenever I think of something but can’t think of what it was I was thinking of, I can’t stop thinking until I think I’m thinking of it again. I think I think too much.” ― Criss Jami, Killosophy
- I wonder if in 2050 there will be a movie called, ‘Dude, Where’s My Spaceship.’ Zach Galifianakis
- Say yes. You’ll figure it out afterward. Tina Fey
- “You read a book for the story, for each of its words,” Gordy said, “and you draw your cartoons for the story, for each of the words and images. And, yeah, you need to take that seriously, but you should also read and draw because really good books and cartoons give you a boner.”I was shocked:”Did you just say books should give me a boner?””Yes, I did.””Are you serious?””Yeah… don’t you get excited about books?””I don’t think that you’re supposed to get THAT excited about books.””You should get a boner! You have to get a boner!” Gordy shouted. “Come on!”We ran into the Reardan High School Library.”Look at all these books,” he said.”There aren’t that many,” I said. It was a small library in a small high school in a small town.”There are three thousand four hundred and twelve books here,” Gordy said. “I know that because I counted them.””Okay, now you’re officially a freak,” I said.”Yes, it’s a small library. It’s a tiny one. But if you read one of these books a day, it would still take you almost ten years to finish.””What’s your point?””The world, even the smallest parts of it, is filled with things you don’t know.”Wow. That was a huge idea.Any town, even one as small as Reardan, was a place of mystery. And that meant Wellpinit, the smaller, Indian town, was also a place of mystery.”Okay, so it’s like each of these books is a mystery. Every book is a mystery. And if you read all of the books ever written, it’s like you’ve read one giant mystery. And no matter how much you learn, you keep on learning so much more you need to learn.””Yes, yes, yes, yes,” Gordy said. “Now doesn’t that give you a boner?””I am rock hard,” I said.” ― Sherman Alexie, The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian
- “The manlier you are, the harder it is to understand what a woman wants: there is not a hint of female brain in you.” ― Criss Jami, Killosophy
- “To claim that one can never live a positive life with a negative mind is a very negative claim to make!” ― Criss Jami, Healology
- Ah, yes, divorce… from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet. Robin Williams
- I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it. Mark Twain
- “gray hair is gods graffiti” ― Bill Cosby
- “He started to touch the mechanism under the keyboard, then pulled his hand back with a snap.”Ah,” he said. “Must deactivate the security….Turn around, please.””What?””Turn around, Claire. It’s a secure password!””You have GOT to be kidding.””Why ever would I joke about that? Please turn.” ― Rachel Caine, Ghost Town
- “The funny thing about writing is that whether you’re doing well or doing it poorly, it looks the exact same. That’s actually one of the main ways that writing is different from ballet dancing.” ― John Green
- My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do. Unknown
- This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last. Oscar Wilde
- “Two seconds later, the sound of an alarm filled my ears. ”What did you do?” I said over the noise as he backed up towards the bathroom door. ”The girl who gave you the note?””Yes…””I caught her staring at my lighter.”I blinked. ”You gave a child, in a psych ward , a lighter?”His eyes crinkled at the corners. ”She seemed trustworthy.””You’re sick,” I said, but smiled.”Hey, nobody’s perfect. ” Noah smiled back.” ― Michelle Hodkin, The Evolution of Mara Dyer
- “For 3 million you could give everyone in Scotland a shovel, and we could dig a hole so deep we could hand her over to Satan in person. (on Margaret Thatcher)” ― Frankie Boyle
- “All I know is just what I read in the papers, and that’s an alibi for my ignorance.” ― Will Rogers
- “There’s a quote from ‘The Breakfast Club’ that goes “We’re all pretty bizarre. Some of us are just better at hiding it.” I have it on a poster but I took a Sharpie to it and scratched out the word “hiding” because it reminds me that there’s a certain pride and freedom that comes from wearing your unique bizarreness like a badge of honor.” ― Jenny Lawson – Furiously Happy: A Funny Book About Horrible Things
- “She came awake, stomach rumbling, and opened her eyes to see a plate being held right under her nose. When she reached for it, Shane snatched it back. ‘Nuh-uh. Mine.”Share!’ she demanded.’Man, you are one grabby girlfriend.’She grinned. It always made her feel so fiercly warm inside to hear him say that- the girlfriend part, not the grabby part. ‘If you love me, you’ll give me a taco.”Seriously? That’s all you got? What about you’ll do sexy, illegal things to me for a taco?”Not for a taco,’ she said. ‘I’m not cheap.”They’re brisket tacos.”Now you’re talking.” ― Rachel Caine, Ghost Town
- “sometimes when everything seems atits worstwhen all conspiresand gnawsand the hours, days, weeksyearsseem wasted – stretched there upon my bedin the darklooking upward at the ceilingi get what many will consider anobnoxious thought:it’s still nice to beBukowski.” ― Charles Bukowski, You Get So Alone at Times That it Just Makes Sense
- “Given a choice between goose egg and heartache, I would choose heartache.” ― Santosh Kalwar
- “He’ll have that scar forever.””Couldn’t you do something about it, Dumbledore?””Even if I could, I wouldn’t. Scars can come in handy. I have one myself above my left knee that is a perfect map of the London Underground.” ― J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone
- “You won’t even take your bow? Are you planning to throttle a moose with your bare hands, then?””I’ve a knife in my boot,” she said, and then wondered, for a moment, if she could throttle a moose with her bare hands.” ― Kristin Cashore, Graceling
- “Mano širdis ėmė daužytis taip, tarsi po ja būtų vegetaro skrandis, virškinantis keptą paršelį su litru rakijos” ― Goran Vojnović, Jugoslavija, moja dežela
- “Marry me, he says. I got all my own teeth, I wash twice a year an I’ll cut you in fer half the business here.” ― Moira Young, Blood Red Road
- “The mule took out two small jars, one of a white gooey texture and another of a blueish red liquid that wasn’t purple because the mule had skipped art class when he was younger” ― J.S. Mason, The Satyrist…And Other Scintillating Treats
- Everything is changing. People are taking the comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke. Will Rogers
- “Want to enjoy an restful day? Wake up, turn your phone on, meditate, look at the sky—then toss your phone into the bushes.” ― Waylon H. Lewis
- “All women may not be beautiful but every woman can look beautiful.” ― Amit Kalantri
- Until Ace Ventura, no actor had considered talking through his ass. Jim Carrey
- “I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: “Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.” ― George Carlin, When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?