- What turning forty means to me? I need to take my pants off as soon as I get home. I didn’t used to have to do that, but now I do. Tina Fey
- “She hated Mr. Meanie. But she’d gotten to know him and they’d reached an understanding of sorts. Now she was to have him for supper.”Don’t tell me you’re feeling guilty?”Breaking off a piece of the wing, she brought it to her lips and took a bite. It did taste good. Very good.”I wonder if all grouchy males are this palatable.”Drew choked.She looked up, tilting her head. “Are you all right?”He turned a dull red. “Eat your supper, Connie.” ― Deeanne Gist, A Bride Most Begrudging
- “If I could bronze my love, it’d be worthy of a silver medal. ” ― Dark Jar Tin Zoo, Love Quotes for the Ages. Specifically Ages 19-91.
- “There was a group of fans who wanted autographs, and several women who managed to write their phone numbers on Wade’s hand before he pulled free.Sam sent him an arched brow, but he just shrugged. He got numbers written on him a lot; he’d never figured out how to stop that from happening.” ― Jill Shalvis, Slow Heat
- “Lovers do things together! They rent videos, they ride Ferris wheels, they go out for pizza, they play Scrabble. They . . . they talk!”Talk?’ He lifted his head and frowned, his eyes puzzled. ‘We talk all the time, Raine. I’ve never had such talkative sex.”That’s just it!’ She wiggled, flailed, but couldn’t budge him. ‘Two minutes alone with you, and I’m flat on my back. Every single time!’A slow, knowing grin spread over his face. ‘Is this your way of telling me you want to be on top?” ― Shannon McKenna, Behind Closed Doors
- “How do you know?”“Well, I don’t, I’m making this up, but I bet I’m right.” ― Robyn Carr
- “He’s always asking: ‘Is that new? I haven’t seen that before.’ It’s like, Why don’t you mind your own business? Solve world hunger. Get out of my closet.” ― Michelle Obama
- “Her mouth set. “I’ve already lost one man I loved tonight. I will not lose the other.” She glared at him. “And curse you, you stone head, for making me say it first.” ― Patrick W. Carr, The Hero’s Lot
- “When you are angry try your best to go to sleep, it keeps you away from speaking, writing and thinking while you are angry.” ― Amit Kalantri
- “It’s funny how the ugly duckling always has so many beautiful things to teach us.” ― Curtis Tyrone Jones
- “Mom always said I was born to sit in the electric chair, but I’m proving her wrong. I’m going to die on my knees, begging for my life.” ― Bauvard, Some Inspiration for the Overenthusiastic
- “I’ve fixed the bugs in my time machine prototype. Next step: get the idea to build a time machine prototype.” ― John Alejandro King a.k.a. The Covert Comic
- Don’t text or twitter during the show. Just live your life. Don’t keep telling people what you’re doing. Also it lights up your big dumb face. Louis C.K.
- “Leaning forward in your chair when someone is trying to squeeze behind you isn’t enough. You also have to move the chair.” ― Ellen DeGeneres, Seriously… I’m Kidding
- I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol. Steven Wright
- “It does not mean you are not awesome, if no one ever appreciates your beauty. But I can see that, in your juicy eyes, funny smiles and innocent face. And I am telling you now; you are exceptionally beautiful and awesome.” ― M.F. Moonzajer, LOVE, HATRED AND MADNESS
- I wrote a few children’s books… not on purpose. Steven Wright
- “He’ll have that scar forever.””Couldn’t you do something about it, Dumbledore?””Even if I could, I wouldn’t. Scars can come in handy. I have one myself above my left knee that is a perfect map of the London Underground.” ― J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone
- “Excuse me?” I said, palms down on the Formica tabletop. “Coffee? I thought we came here for pie.” “I don’t eat the kind of pie they serve here.” I felt a flash of heat go through my stomach. I knew firsthand the kind of pie Ranger liked.” ― Janet Evanovich, To the Nines
- “Do you ever think if people heard our conversations they’d lock us up?”All the time.” ― Wendy Mass, Jeremy Fink and the Meaning of Life
- Bob Ross is very calming. 5 min into this show, it feels like you’ve been fucked to death by a thousand pillows. Ryan Reynolds
- “The great thing about writing fiction is that you can do whatever the fuck you want, go as far as you are willing to go, and laugh at the people who take it seriously.” ― Richard Denney
- “We must respect the other fellow’s religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.” ― H.L. Mencken, Minority Report
- “Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.” ― Woody Allen
- “They’re so weird and so beautiful,” she said.”Like you,” I said.I meant it as a joke, but Liz nodded. She felt that she was sort of like an emu herself, she said. Maybe that was why she’d had flying dreams ever since she was a little girl — at heart, she was an emu. She was sure the emus also dreamed of flying. It was another thing they had in common. Both she and the emus wanted to fly — they just didn’t have the wings they wanted.” ― Jeannette Walls, The Silver Star
- “My father chose my name , and my last name was chosen by my ancestors . That’s enough, I myself choose my way” ― Ali Shariati
- It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste.
- My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on. Joan Rivers (marieclaire.co.uk)
- “I had a dream about you. We couldn’t decide on a sunrise. You wanted a tan, I only cared about the view. Then World War III fulfilled both our desires.” ― Bauvard, I Had a Dream About You
- “Weirdism is definitely the cornerstone of many an artist’s career.” ― E.A. Bucchianeri, Brushstrokes of a Gadfly,